A reporter called on a cotton broker one Sunday morning. Themanreceived him in his dressing－room, and after their businesstalkwas over the wonders of the house were takenup. The brokerboastedabout his Raphaels and hardwood floors, his light plant andFrenchfurniture, his gold －plated plumbing and Gobelins, but heboastedabove all about his travelling bathtub.

　　″It＇sonyx,″ he said,″alovely golden shade, it runs byelectricity,on tiny pneumatic tires, smooth and silent. Whenever Idon＇t feeldisposed to leave this room it comes in here to mefilled, just as Ilikeit, with genuine Atlantic Ocean, brought upfrom Coney Islandand warmed to80degrees. It comes in any time Ipush thisbutton.″

　　″Push itnow,″ said the reporter, curiously. The button waspushed,the doors slid magically open, and the great onyx bathglided instately silencesintosthe room. But in it sat themillionaire＇sastonished wife.

　　精品

　　一个星期天的早上,一个记者去拜访一位棉花经销商,那商人在他的穿衣间里接待了他。

　　正事谈完后,他们说起这商人豪宅里的新奇精品。商人吹嘘他拥有的拉斐尔名画、他的栎木地板、他的私人发电设备和法国家具、他的镀金水管和法国绣毯,而他吹得最起劲的是他那个可移动的浴缸。

　　“它是缟玛瑙做的,是令人喜爱的金黄色。”他说：“装在电动的充气轮胎上,走起来平稳而毫无噪音。我不愿离开这个房间的时候,它就能到这里来将就我,而且还按照我的意愿灌满了从大西洋科尼岛运来的水,水温加热到华氏80度。只要我一按这个按钮,它就会来。”

　　“那你现在就按一下看看。”记者有点好奇。

　　这商人就按了一下按钮,房门神奇地打开了,那个硕大的缟玛瑙浴缸就雍容肃穆地滑进了房间,浴缸里面坐着正在沐浴的惊慌失措的富商太太。

　　Only One Instance

　　Mr. Henry Beecher entered Plymouth Church one Sunday andfoundseveral letters awaiting him. He opened one and found itcontainedthe single word″Fool″. Quietly and with becomingseriousness heannounced to the congregation the fact in thesewords：

　　″I have known many an instance of a man writing a letterandforgetting to sign his name, but this is the only instance Ihaveever known of a man signing his name and forgetting to writetheletter.″

　　傻瓜来信

　　一个星期天,亨利·比切先生到普利茅斯的教堂去,在那里有他的几封信。他打开其中一封,发现信中只写着“傻瓜”两个字。他平静而认真地把这件事告诉教友们：“写信时忘了签名的人,我遇到过很多,但只签了名却忘了写信的人,我还是头一次遇到。”

　　A rithmetic Lesson

　　A little boy bustledsintosa grocery one day with a memoranduminhis hand.

　　″Hello,Mr. Smith,″ He said,″ I want thirteen pounds ofcoffeeat33cents.″

　　″Very good,″ said the grocer, and he noted down the sale.

　　″Anything else, Charlie？″

　　″Yes. Twenty－seven pounds of sugar at9cents.″

　　″The loaf？ And whatelse？″

　　″Seven and a half pounds of bacon at30cents.″

　　″That will be a good brand. Goon.″

　　″Five pounds of tea at90cents； eleven and a half quartsofmolasses at8cents a pint； two eight －pound hams at31cents, andfivedozen jars of pickled walnuts at34cents ajar.″

　　The grocer made out the bill.

　　″It＇s a big order,″ he said.″Did your mother tell you topayforit？″

　　″My mother,″ said the boy, as he pocketed the neat andaccuratebill,″has nothing to do with this business. It is myarithmeticlesson and I had to get it done somehow.″

　　数学作业

　　一天,一个小男孩匆匆忙忙地走进了一家杂货店,手里拿着一张清单。

　　“史密斯先生,你好,”他说道：“3毛3分钱一磅的咖啡,请给我13磅。”

　　“好的,”杂货店老板马上把这笔生意记了下来。

　　“还要别的什么,查理？”

　　“要的。再要27磅糖,9分钱一磅的。”

　　“面包要不要？还要什么？”“7磅半咸肉,3毛钱一磅的。”

　　“这肉是名牌的呢。还有呢？”

　　“9毛钱一磅的茶叶,给我5磅；8分钱一品脱的糖浆要11夸脱半；3毛1分钱一磅的8磅的大火腿要两只,3毛4分钱一罐的腌核桃要5打。”

　　杂货店老板把账单算了出来。“你买了很多东西,”他说：“你妈妈叫你现在把钱付清吗？”

　　小男孩一面把那清楚准确的账单放进口袋,一面说：“这和我妈没关系,这是我自己的算术作业,我总得想办法把它做出来！”

　　Perfect Match

　　A wealthy matron is so proud of a valuable antique vase thatshedecides to have her bedroom painted the same color as thevase.Several painters try to match the shade, but none comescloseenough to satisfy the eccentric woman.

　　Eventually, a painter approaches who is confident he can mixtheproper color. The woman is pleased with the result, and thepainterbecomes famous.

　　Years later, he retires and truns the business over tohisson.″Dad,″says the son,″there＇s something I＇ve got to know. Howdidyou get those walls to match the vase so perfectly？″

　　″Son,″the father replies,″Ipainted thevase.″

　　绝配

　　一位富婆为拥有一只珍贵的古玩花瓶而深感骄傲,以至于竟要把卧室漆成与花瓶同样的颜色。几名油漆匠试图调出这个底色,但是谁也不能令那位古怪的妇女满意。

　　最后来了位油漆匠。他非常自信能调出那种颜色。那位富婆对他的成果非常满意,油漆匠于是一举成名。

　　多年以后,他退休了,生意也交给了儿子。“爸爸,”儿子说：“有件事我得弄清楚,您是怎样使墙的颜色与花瓶配得那么完美的？”

　　“儿子,”父亲回答说：“我漆了花瓶。”（2001）