生活喜剧

生活喜剧

http://www.sina.com.cn 2003年09月10日12:56 青年参考

3Doctors At Heavans Gate Three doctors arrived in heaven.Steterasked them why they should be letsintosheaven. The firstdoctorsaid,″Because I won the Nobel Peace Prize for mywork.″St.Peter lethimin. The second doctor said,″Ihaven＇t won any prizes,but I＇vestarted free clinics and helped those in need forfree.″St.Peterlet himin. The third doctor said,″I＇mre sponsible for allthehospitals across the United States.″St. Peter thought about itfora minute and said,″OK,I＇ll let youin, but you will beresponsiblefor your safety！″3位医生在天堂门口　　3位医生到了天堂。圣彼得问他们,为什么他们能进入天堂。　　第一个医生回答因为我获得过诺贝尔和平奖。圣彼得让他进了天堂。　　第二个医生回答我没得过什么奖,但我开设过免费门诊,免费治病。圣彼得让他进了天堂。　　第三个医生回答我负责管理美国所有的医院。　　圣彼得思考了一分钟,说好吧,我让你进去,但你要为自己的安全负责！ 3Sick Soldiers An armyMajorvisits the sick soldiers, goes up to one private andasks,″What＇syour problem, Sol dier？″″Chronic syphilis,Sir！″″Whattreatment areyou get ting？″″Five minutes with the wire brusheachday,Sir！″″What＇s your ambition？″″To get back to thefrontlines,Sir！″″Goodman！″ says the Major. He goes to thenextbed.″What＇s your problem, Sol dier？″″Chronicpiles,Sir！″″Whattreatment are you get ting？″″Five minutes with thewire brush eachday,Sir！″″What＇s your ambition？″″To get back to thefrontlines,Sir！″″Goodman！″ says the Major. He goes to thenextbed.″What＇s your problem, Sol dier？″″Chronic gumdisease,Sir！″″Whattreatment are you get ting？″″Five minutes withthe wire brush eachday,Sir！″″What＇s your ambition？″″To get to thefront of the lineand get the wire brush before the othertwo,Sir！″3个生病的士兵　　一位军队里的主管去探望生病的士兵。他走近一个士兵,问道　　士兵,你得了什么病？慢性梅毒,先生！医生怎样给你治疗？　　每天使用金属刷子5分钟,先生！　　你的目标是什么？重返前线,先生！好样的！主管说。主管走向第二张病床。士兵,你得了什么病？慢性痔疮,先生！医生怎样给你治疗？　　每天使用金属刷子5分钟,先生！　　你的目标是什么？重返前线,先生！好样的！主管说。主管走向第三张病床。士兵,你得了什么病？慢性牙龈炎,先生！医生怎样给你治疗？　　每天使用金属刷子5分钟,先生！　　你的目标是什么？　　排在队列的最前面,在另外两个病人之前使用金属刷子,先生！　　12Step Program of Recov ery for Web Addicts1. I will have acupof coffee in the morning and read my newspaper like Iusedto,before the Web.2. I will eat breakfast with a knife and forkandnot with one hand typing.3. I will get dressed before noon.4.Iwill make an attempt to clean the house, wash clothes, andplandinner before even thinking of the Web.5. I will sit down andwritea letter to those unfortunate few friends and family thatareWeb－deprived.6. I will call someone on the phone who Icannotcontact via the Web.7. I will read a book… if I still remrhow.8. Iwill listen to those around me and their needs and stoptellingthem to turn the TV down so I can hear the music on theWeb.9. Iwill not be tempted during TV commercials to check foremail.10. Iwill try and get out of the house at least once a week,if it isnecessary or not.11. I will remr that my bank is notforgiving if Iforget to balance my checkbook because I was too busyon theWeb.12.Last, I will remr that I must go to bed sometime…andthe Webwill always be there tomorrow！职业网虫治愈12步　　1、早上,在上网之前,我将喝一杯咖啡,读报,就像以前那样。　　2、我将用双手使用刀叉吃早饭,而不是腾出一只手来敲键盘。　　3、我将在中午之前穿好衣服。　　4、试着在想到上网之前去收拾房间、洗衣服、考虑午餐的菜谱。　　5、我将坐下来,给那些被剥夺了网络的不幸的朋友和他们的家人写信。　　6、我将给那些在网上联络不到的人打电话。　　7、我要读一本书……如果我还记得怎么读书的话。　　8、我将听我周围的人说话,看看他们需要什么,而不再让他们把电视的声音关小,以便我能听到网上的音乐。　　9、我将不会在电视购物的时间段里去收电子邮件。　　10、我将试着每周至少出门一次,不管是不是需要。　　11、我将记得银行不会再给我任何宽限,如果我因为沉迷于网络而忘了去结账。　　12、最后,我会记得我必须找个时间睡觉……毕竟,网络不会在一夜之间消失。　　2Women Stories A woman says to a doctor,″Each time I sipmycoffee, my eye seems tohurt.″ The doctor says,″Well, maybeyoushould take the spoon out of thecup.″ A woman got a dent in hercarand took it in to the repair shop. 　　The repairman decided to have a wee bit of fun. So he told herallshe had to do was to take it home and blow in the tailpipeuntil thedent popped itself out. After15minutes of this, alady－one of thewoman＇s friends came over and asked what she wasdoing.″I＇mtrying topop out this dent, but it＇s not really working.″″Duhou have toroll up the windows first！″ 　　两个女人的故事　　一个女子对医生说每次我喝咖啡时都会伤到眼睛。　　医生说也许你应该先把勺子从杯子里拿出来。　　一位女士把车撞了一个坑,于是就去修车。　　修理工决定幽她一默。他告诉她,她只需把车开回家,然后从排气管里往车里吹气,直到凹陷处自己鼓起来。　　这位女士如法操作了15分钟。这时,她的一位女性朋友来拜访她,并问她在做什么。我正在试着让那个坑鼓起来,但这个办法似乎并不管用。嗯……你必须先把车窗摇上去！编译张丹珊 2001